Surgery Date

[Desdemona]

Greetings Friends,

If all goes well, I will be having my surgery on April 13. I'm very excited. I hope nothing happens to interfere with the surgery. I just did my blood work today. All that's left is to have my sleep studies done. I asked my primary care doctor, Dr. Allam, and Dr. Sklarak, who ordered the studies done, to send Advanced Sleep a script and a history, but nobody did according to the sleep clinic. Who knows what happened? I'll try again. I'm just eager to have the surgery done so I can start my new life.

Explaining to others why I'm not eating and why I'm losing weight is bound to be annoying, but I'll live. My in-laws and my husband's family will no doubt criticize my choice, but they criticize everything else I've ever said or done since marrying their prize son, so I'm rather adept at handling them. My colleagues are more understanding and supportive, as are my friends, even if they do keep coming up with bariatric horror stories. Why do people do that? I didn't know a single person who'd had this type of surgery until I decided to do it myself. Now, they're crawling out of the woodwork... and it's never good. I just shrug, laugh, and tell them that they should have gone to Dr. Allam.

All the same, it is a bit disconcerting. I won't be talked out of my decision, though, much less scared out of it. I've made my decision and, unless something or someone forcibly prevents me from going through with it, I will have this done. And right now, it's scheduled for April 13. ::Sigh:: I think I need a hug. LOL I'll be fine. I just can't wait.

Hugs,
Jan

[hawk1989 (RNY)]

Hi Jan,

hggroup Hugs to you. I know exactly what you are going through. It was the best decision I ever made and would never change my decision. Now that my friends and family see the big difference in me they said that even though they did not approve of the surgery they are glad I went ahead and did it. Not until my mother came to the last support group did she really understand the family we have here.

Good luck.

Christine

[Desdemona]

Not until my mother came to the last support group did she really understand the family we have here.
L.gif
Dear Christine,

I wish I could come to the support group, but I pick up my toddlers after work and my husband doesn't get home until 9 or 10 at night. I'd have to bring a 2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old with me all the way to Southampton, an hour away from home, somewhere I've never been (and I'm directionally challenged).

Unfortunately, that would be more stress than comfort, but I regret the circumstances that force me to forfeit your support. Well, I don't regret having my sweethearts, but I regret that there's no one with whom to leave them so that I could come, at least once, before I go in for surgery. I don't even have a Mom anymore to worry about me.

Alas, I will have to be satisfied with the comfort to be derived here. Thank you for thinking of me and replying to my post. That was very kind.

Hugs,
Jan
vi.jpg

[mssfire]

You've made the best decision you could possibly make...and you did it for YOU. That was why I did it...and I'm SO glad I did. I got my life back... and added years to that life. And you will too....you've got your whole life ahead of you now....just think about that. And it will be a healthy one. We're here for you...anytime you need something. If you need someone to talk to give me a buzz...my cell# is 631-495-4947. If I'm not around leave a message and I'll call you back. I promise! Good luck...and lots of HUGS!!! wttg image00123

[elaine]

Jan this hugs for you..........
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e163/emax147/hugs.jpg
You are a very courageous woman to have made the choice you did, be proud of yourself. Its not an easy task that we have all chosen, but it was for most of us a life saving one. I have read your posts, and you seem to have really done your homework and know what you want. That is half the battle, the rest will be after. Every minute was worth it for me, as you will hear time and time again from most of us.. http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e163/emax147/hugssmiltey.gif another hug for you (you said you needed hugs)..........

If you ever need to speak to someone, feel free to call me, my numbers are posted here on the website under the patient corner. Anytime, just call and leave a message and i'll get back to you.

Again, be proud of yourself............heres one more for the road.....http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e163/emax147/hugsbear.jpg

~elaine

[Regina]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v469/bellamama/hugs4you.gif

Jan,
I would like to tell you that you are a very brave woman to be doing what you are doing. You have your mind made up and you are letting no one change it. That is so good to hear. I know what you mean about the stories before the surgery. I heard them right up until the day before I was going in. Nevertheless, the last one was the worse and it came from my good friend. I know in my heart that she didn't mean to scare me with it because she was just so concerned about me. At the same time, she knew that nothing would change my mind. I had my mind made up did all the research and I was going full steam ahead. I hit many bumps in the roads before the surgery. The best bump that I hit was that the original doctor I was going to had some problems and wasn't able to perform the surgery. Then someone that I had become friends with through going to that doctor found the best doctor around. Yup it was Dr Allam.
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and that doctor having problems brought me to Dr Allam. You know he sees us each month and hears us say that we would do it again in a heartbeat. He sees how much we have changed physically but I can tell you this he has changed my life in so many ways. I haven't had as much fun, excitement and I haven't been as healthy as I am now since my surgery. He gives us the tool to get us back on track that is what he will tell you. The rest is up to every one of us to do what we want with it.

If you follow the plan and stick to it, you can be very successful after the surgery. Yes and part of the plan is coming to the support group meetings. I understand that it is impossible for you to come to them. Your other means of support then is this message board. Come here Jan and ask us anything you want. There are a few of us that check this board throughout the day. Our numbers are listed in Patient Corner under Phone Numbers. Please don't feel funny calling any one of us that have posted them. WE ARE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU NEED US.

Also, get that before picture and get it up here. If you want you can email it to me and we can hold it until you start to lose the weight and take one say like a month later. I can put them together for you that is not a problem. I am the one who has put most of the pictures together. So, if you want to Jan email it to me at regg1@optonline.net.

Hold your head high my friend you are about to go through the best journey that you can. One for you this time.You will see that we are all a loving bunch and know exactly what you are going through and feeling. We have all walked in the same shoes as you. Enjoy it and don't forget that we are now your extended family and we will never leave you we will always be here for you for as long as you need us.

Good luck to you. Here is an extra

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v469/bellamama/hug77.gif

for you

[KIM]

Hi Jan;

My name is Kim and I had my surgery on May 19 and it's the best thing I have ever done for myself. I also can't make the support group meetings because I have 2 little girls myself and live in Holbrook. Are you in my area? Maybe sometime we could hook up and I'll drive us out there and we can help each other with the children. The support group meetings are in a library and the kids could be kept busy. It's a great thing to go to and I regret that I haven't been to many myself. Please give me a call if you want to give this a try or if you just want to talk. I love talking about this surgery, it has turned my life around. My home number is 648-0239 and my cell is 495-1955.

Best wishes
Kim

[terrie]

Hi Jan,

So Your On You Way!! It's Really A Good Thing Your Doing And Don't Let Anybody Tell You Any Different. I Just Had My One Year Anniversary March 3rd!! I Have Never Felt Better In My Whole Life. My Only Regret, Is I Hadn't Done It Sooner. Your Lucky Your Children Are Still Very Young And You Can Show Them Their Mom Knows How To Live A Healthy Life. Sometimes It Angers Me That I've Taught My Children Everything, Except Good Nutrition. I Do Still Have A Son Thats 11, So Hopefully, I Can Still Get It Into His Head How Important Nutrition Is. This Surgery Has Changed My Life In So Many Ways. I ToO Was The One Behind The Camera, Now I Can't Wait To Jump In Front Of It. My Family Takes A Ski Trip Every Year, With 30 Other Couples And Their Kids, I Was Always At The Bottom Of The Hill Taking The Pictures. Not This Year, My Little Man Just Taught Me How To Snowboard, And I Can't Wait To Get To The Top Of That Hill!! Like I Said, Your Life Will Change Dramaticly!! If You Have Told Me A Year Ago I'd Be Snowboarding Down A Mountain, I Would Have Told You, You Were Insane. So Sounds Like Your Ready Jan, Enjoy The Ride!! It's A Good One!!

[Desdemona]

You've made the best decision you could possibly make...and you did it for YOU.

Yes, that's actually a little scary in and of itself. I don't ordinarily do things just for me. I find myself constantly qualifying what I'm doing, justifying it by saying how much more energy I'll have for my kids and work. Sad, huh? LOL

That was why I did it...and I'm SO glad I did. I got my life back... and added years to that life.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you!

And you will too....you've got your whole life ahead of you now....just think about that. And it will be a healthy one.

I certainly hope so. The cardiologist won't give me clearance until I come back to talk to him about the result of my echocardiogram and stress test. I'm a little nervous about what he wants to tell me. I mean, he can't possibly expect a perfect heart (although my cholesterol and blood pressure are fine) in someone my size, can he? I mean, that's a big part of why I'm having the surgery in the first place -- to prevent and alleviate serious heart disease. And if I'm all right, then why does he need me to take another day off work? And if I'm not all right, why will just talking to him make him give me clearance? I'm just a little worried that I won't be cleared for surgery... okay, VERY worried.

We're here for you...anytime you need something. If you need someone to talk to give me a buzz...my cell# is 631-495-4947. If I'm not around leave a message and I'll call you back. I promise! Good luck...and lots of HUGS!!!

Thank you. I appreciate that. I won't bother you unless I really need you, but I am grateful. I really am. L.gif

Hugs,
Jan

[Desdemona]

Dear Elaine,

Thank you! vi.jpg

You are a very courageous woman to have made the choice you did, be proud of yourself.

Courageous? Me? LOL

Its not an easy task that we have all chosen, but it was for most of us a life saving one.

Yes, I think so, too!

I have read your posts, and you seem to have really done your homework and know what you want. That is half the battle, the rest will be after.

I do know what I want and I won't be talked out of it, no matter how hard friends and family sometimes try. There seems to be no end to the horror stories. It's tantamount to being the first diver back in the water after a shark attack. Some people are supportive, but I have my hand hovering by my dive knife at all times. LOL

Seriously though, I have tried to do my homework, but much of my research focused on the before and during of this procedure. There is very little to be learned of what is to come, and most of the doctors I've seen seem to have wildly differing opinions of what will happen and what my results will be. I don't know what to do or expect "after, " and Dr. Allam suggested that I log on and discuss it with all of you.

Elaine, can you tell me something about that "after." I keep hearing (reading) all of you congratulating each other for all the "hard work," but no one told me about anything I have to do after the surgery. I mean, Pat explained to me what I had to eat and not eat and when, but otherwise, I haven't been told that I have to do anything special, much less anything that could be catagorized as "hard work." So, anything you could tell me about what to expect "after" would be gratefully read.

Every minute was worth it for me, as you will hear time and time again from most of us...

::Sigh:: I DO keep hearing it; the problem is that I don't understand it. I feel so ignorant, but at the risk of sounding like a complete fool, every minute of what?

If you ever need to speak to someone, feel free to call me, my numbers are posted here on the website under the patient corner. Anytime, just call and leave a message and i'll get back to you.


Thank you so much, Elaine.

Hugs,
Jan L.gif

[Desdemona]

I would like to tell you that you are a very brave woman to be doing what you are doing.

I don't feel very brave, but thank you.


You have your mind made up and you are letting no one change it. That is so good to hear.

Yes, I am quite determined.


I know what you mean about the stories before the surgery. I heard them right up until the day before I was going in.

I finally gritted my teeth and told my Mother-in-law last night at my son's second year birthday dinner. She began to tell me about two horror stories and, much to both our surprise, I found the courage to stop her before she could relate her scary tales. I told her that it didn't matter, that I had a doctor whom I trusted, and that I had spoken to many people who had had wonderful results with him. I told her that this was a done deal, that I wasn't changing my mind, and that, although I knew she meant well, her stories would only cause me unnecessary anxiety; nothing else would change. I couldn't stop her from talking about other alternatives (yeah, alternatives for thin people who had put on ten pounds over the holiday season), but at least I didn't have to hear about her "two friends who had had the surgery with poor outcomes." Good enough. It was good enough.


Dr Allam has changed my life in so many ways. I haven't had as much fun, excitement and I haven't been as healthy as I am now since my surgery. He gives us the tool to get us back on track that is what he will tell you. The rest is up to every one of us to do what we want with it.

Though it may sound cliched or ingenuine, in truth, I can barely see to write through joyous tears. My soul screams to get on with with the surgery, and thus life, with the eagerness of a puppy. This is the proverbial, elusive second chance to which sonnets are written and wars are fought. I must muster every iota of my adult demeanor to calm my inner puppy. I am grateful to my children (2 years old and 4 1/2 years old) for the opportunity they afford me to scream and laugh and cry, with impunity, like a fool. They are my facade. They give me license I don't deserve.


If you follow the plan and stick to it, you can be very successful after the surgery.

Here, it seems, I must make the same admission to you as I did to Elaine. I don't know about what plan you're speaking. Certainly, you can't be talking about the eating plan that Pat gave me, can you? That seems so simple, so peaceful, like a vacation near warm, turquoise waters. I don't fear it; I look forward to it. Food is inconsiquential; rolling in the grass with my babies is what matters. Only aborting my habit of gulping iced tea all day alarms me, but I will get past that. If there is more to "the plan" than I could learn from Pat, I must admit to being sorrowfully ignorant. Please, please elucidate!


Yes and part of the plan is coming to the support group meetings. I understand that it is impossible for you to come to them.

Difficult? Absolutely. Impossible? Perhaps not. One of the responses to my original posting offered a possible way that both of us might be able to attend the support group -- not every time, but on alternate months. It seems that she and I live very close to each other and each have two young children. I will respond to her post next. Perhaps we can alternate babysitting the four children and attending the support group meetings. It's not a perfect solution, and by no means a done deal, but it offers a possibility that we both might avail ourselves of the groups wisdom and comfort to some degree. I will speak to her about it.



Your other means of support then is this [COLOR=Purple]message board. Come here Jan and ask us anything you want. There are a few of us that check this board throughout the day. Our numbers are listed in Patient Corner under Phone Numbers. Please don't feel funny calling any one of us that have posted them. WE ARE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU NEED US.

Thank you. That's very kind. It really is... beyond my ability to express it in words.



Also, get that before picture and get it up here.

I've talked to my husband about that. It's a touchy subject, to say the least. He gave me a look of complete horror because, in the past, I'd been... let's say ADAMENT about not having my picture taken. I haven't convinced him yet that it's okay... probably because I've yet to convince myself that it's okay.


If you want you can email it to me and we can hold it until you start to lose the weight and take one say like a month later. I can put them together for you that is not a problem. I am the one who has put most of the pictures together. So, if you want to Jan email it to me at regg1@optonline.net.

Um... Er... Well... I have that one sanctioned picture of me. It's from last year, but I weighed ten pounds more then. It's just a good shot, taken at a good angle. The kind of honest shot that I think you're talking about... rather than the one out of a hundred lucky shot... I'm sorry. I haven't gotten my mind around that concept yet.

You folks all talk of comparing how you looked at time X to time Y. I see it differently. Perhaps you don't know how I feel. I want to pretend that current reality never happened. History is written by the victors. I want to be the victor. I want to write a history where this atrocity didn't happen. I never looked like this. I never felt like this. I was never physically twice my age.

I don't want to compare; I want to move on. I want to negate, to refuse, to discredit, to hide, to ignore, to abolish, to delete. I have faced reality every day of my life. I want to face it no longer, not keep it for posterity. I want to write sonnets and wage war. I want to step out of this universe into the next one, a philosophical aside where this life is part of an alternate reality, discussed only at bohemian existentialist parties. Does that make sense at all to you... any of you... or am I truly alone?


Hold your head high my friend you are about to go through the best journey that you can. One for you this time.

I know it. I know it, Regina. I do. I can't wait.

You will see that we are all a loving bunch and know exactly what you are going through and feeling. We have all walked in the same shoes as you. Enjoy it and don't forget that we are now your extended family and we will never leave you we will always be here for you for as long as you need us.

I know it. I see it. And I am grateful. "Never leave me" "Extended family" I must already be in that alternate universe. Thank you all so very, very much!

Hugs,
Jan

[Desdemona]

My name is Kim and I had my surgery on May 19 and it's the best thing I have ever done for myself.

I'm glad to hear it.

I also can't make the support group meetings because I have 2 little girls myself and live in Holbrook. Are you in my area?

I live in Lake Ronkonkoma, very near Centereach.

Maybe sometime we could hook up and I'll drive us out there and we can help each other with the children. The support group meetings are in a library and the kids could be kept busy.

You mean bring them with us? Is that allowed? I would love it, if this would be possible. I imagined watching your two girls while you went one month and you watching my boys while I went the next month, but if we can bring them, that would be stupendous. Do you have a vehicle that will accomodate four car seats? If not, I could borrow my husband's Suburban. I could drive while you navigated.

It's a great thing to go to and I regret that I haven't been to many myself. Please give me a call if you want to give this a try or if you just want to talk. I love talking about this surgery, it has turned my life around. My home number is 648-0239 and my cell is 495-1955.

I would love to give this a try. My home number, by the way, is 585-5333, and my cell phone is 848-5282. Thanks for everything.

Hugs,
Jan

[Desdemona]

So Your On You Way!! It's Really A Good Thing Your Doing And Don't Let Anybody Tell You Any Different.

I'm trying not to, Terrie. Thank you.

I Just Had My One Year Anniversary March 3rd!! I Have Never Felt Better In My Whole Life. My Only Regret, Is I Hadn't Done It Sooner.

::Grin:: I've heard that before. Congratulations.

Your Lucky Your Children Are Still Very Young And You Can Show Them Their Mom Knows How To Live A Healthy Life. Sometimes It Angers Me That I've Taught My Children Everything, Except Good Nutrition.

I've tried to teach my boys good nutrition. My older boy is following in my footsteps. He's very chubby and sometimes fat (depending on where he is in his growth spurt cycle). My younger boy is a bean pole, a string bean, a rail -- same mother, same father, same environment. Go figure. Whatever I've done, good or bad, I've done the same for both, yet my older boy, for all his beauty, will always have a weight problem that will hold him back, damage his ego, and cast a shadow over his life. My younger boy will always be slim, free... normal. The cast is set. Nothing I do or say seems to be able to alter these facts.

I ToO Was The One Behind The Camera, Now I Can't Wait To Jump In Front Of It. My Family Takes A Ski Trip Every Year, With 30 Other Couples And Their Kids, I Was Always At The Bottom Of The Hill Taking The Pictures. Not This Year, My Little Man Just Taught Me How To Snowboard, And I Can't Wait To Get To The Top Of That Hill!! Like I Said, Your Life Will Change Dramaticly!! If You Have Told Me A Year Ago I'd Be Snowboarding Down A Mountain, I Would Have Told You, You Were Insane.

I think I will always be at the bottom of the hill taking pictures. I'm a terrible skiier. I had to have my ACL replaced in my right knee because of a skiing accident. LOL It sounds like fun though. I'm glad you're allowing yourself to enjoy life.

So Sounds Like Your Ready Jan, Enjoy The Ride!! It's A Good One!!

I'm so ready, Terrie, it's pathetic. I can't wait. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Hugs,
Jan L.gif