Self-Esteem

[Regina]

Hi, Everyone I thought it was time for a new topic to discus. Now that our board is getting more activity, why not discuss something that we all might be feeling more of since our surgery.

I know that after I had my surgery and losing the weight my self- esteem skyrocketed. I felt better about myself. I had more confidence in myself when I walked out my door and into stores or even social events. I walked with my head up and not looking down at the ground.

Its sad to say that people are mean and cruel to people that are over weight and different from them.

Two things that stand out in my memory after having the surgery and losing the weight.

The first one is I felt better about going out and shopping for clothes for myself. I went shopping for new clothes cause the old ones I had were to big and falling off. Of course, what is the first thing I did when I walked into the store? I went right to the sizes that I have been so used to buying for myself. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/LRJD/46.gifWell what a surprise they where to big. I can remember how good I felt at that moment and new again in my mind that I made the right choice in having the surgery.

The other one was when I pulled into my local 7-11 and was getting out of my car when to my surprise this young guy was waiting and holding the door open for me.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/LRJD/29_1_15.gif That never happened when I was over weight. Even if they saw you coming or you were right behind them, they would not hold the door open for you.

Of course, those two things and lots of others over time have made my self-esteem grow more. I do not believe that I have let my weight loss go to my head where I am thinking that I am better then the other person now. In fact when I see people that are over weight I want to tell them that there is a way to lose it if you want to commit to it. I know I can't do that and I would not of course say that to any one. I will never be one of those people that were so different to me when I was over weight. I think by me being on both sides of the fence I can relate to the people that society has so terrible treated cruelly.


As time went on and I lost more weight and my self esteem continue growing. Not that the weight loss went to my head and I thought I was better then anyone else I just for the first time in a long time felt GOOD ABOUT ME!

I never had a problem making conversation with anyone and I did have lots of friends. I still do. I don't think I lost any friends over my weight loss if anything I have made more since I had surgery. Mostly from this group. I have made some great friends from here that I love that they are there for me when I fall off the path and they can understand the changes that I might be going through.

So see coming to the meetings and meeting others who walked in your shoes is another great benefit of our support group meetings.

So, tell us if your self-esteem has improved since surgery?

[Jamie]

Regina,

You have put up a great post!!! I found myself nodding my head up and down while reading your post and agreeing with everything you said. I think that by being in both situations makes us more well rounded and as long as we don't ever let it go to our head and remember where we were, we will be able to help others. I know of two people (pre-band) (you know who you are), that I tried to help and talk with after a meeting one night in the parking lot that have now taken the torch and have helped so many others with answering their questions and concerns that it makes you proud of them. Now a whole new bunch have come through and are doing the same thing, I think it is contagious!!!! I don't think I would or could ever get so full of myself that I would hurt others.

There are so many newbies out there that have many questions, and remembering how confusing everything was when we were going through it keeps you humble and lets you jump at the chance to help in any way, whether it is a small confidence boost or answering some confusing delema that pops up out of nowhere. Just knowing that you make it a little less confusing for someone is my whole reason for posting. I don't want to keep harping on the support group meetings or posting on the message board, but if it helps only one preson, then I am going to keep it up and try to get them to at least try it.

As far as I'm concerned, this weight loss almost has to build your self esteem and make you a better person, and everybody is doing a great job of spreading the wealth.

Thanks to all,

Jamie

[Sissy]

I love it when I see people that knew the old me & see the amazement on their face over the change in me. I'm very proud of what I did and am willing to share the experience with anyone who seems interested. I have steered many people towards Dr. Allam & the gift he has to offer. I know it helped me make the right decision way back then to talk to someone who had the surgery. Her willingness to share her experience gave me alot of confidence in knowing I was making the right choice (RNY) for me. So, if anyone asks - I tell; you never know, you may be helping them to make the choice of a lifetime. Darla

[QUEEBELL]

OK. All you have to do is look at my new avatar to see the change in my self esteem. I've never been a real girly girl and I'm still not, but loosing 100 pounds (yes, I did it!) gave me the confidence to wear "the dress" for my birthday. I'm a long way off from skinny, but I guess I do get doors held for me and stuff like that. Guys talk to me, but they always did. I know that it feels great to fit into priorly tiny chairs that I'd have to squish to fit in before. I remember how utterly painful it was to sit in the seats at the Patchogue Theater for two whole hours to watch a ballet. Now, the seats are actually quite comfortable. The worst seets were in the meeting room at work. I'd have to sit for an hour and a half with the arms jabbing into my thighs. You can't get up because explaining why would be torturous.
I know I look at morbidly obese people differently now. I never could understand how a person could let themselves get to the point where they could no longer walk. Towards the end it became more clear how that was possible as my weight climbed to 286 and my legs and feet became so swollen they hurt. Now that I have taken the steps to fix my weight problem I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to do the same. I know that the surgery isn't the be all end all, but a tool, It's just hard for me to understand why more people wouldn't take advantage of it. Now I was one of the biggest opponents of gastic bypass surgery in the past even calling it self mutilation at one point, but when I could almost no longer function I began to realize it wasn't self mutilation it was and is a critical life saving surgery.
I want anyone reading this that might be on the fence about surgery that I no longer spend my nights alone in my room eating ridiculou amounts of food becaus I feel like I am not worthy to be seen in public. I put on my "skinny" clothes, go to a club with my friends and dance like an idiot just like everybody else. Now if that isn't self esteem I don't know what is.
Isabel

[Regina]

I put on my "skinny" clothes, go to a club with my friends and dance like an idiot just like everybody else. Now if that isn't self esteem I don't know what is.
Isabel



Sorry when you dance on the poll then you can really say that. :p (joking)

You gave some good points in their Isabel and it is true we might look at over weight people thinking why not go and do this. I guess they will have to get to the same place that we got to when we decided to have it done. I pray that they get there before it is too late for them health wise.

All we can do is for those new people that come each month to our meeting is to be there for them. Listen to what they are saying and how they are feeling. Tell them how we got here and why. If all that information that we can share with them gets even one more person to have the surgery, whether it is the gastric bypass or the band we then succeeded. They are the ONLY ones that can make up there minds to do it. After they have it then it is up to them to FOLLOW the plan. By keeping doctor appointments attending maybe, support groups meeting when they can. Also trying to come here to our website. Those are all the things that make us so successful.

[mssfire]

Self esteem? Those 2 words were never in my vocubulary before I had my gastric bypass...believe me. I was always "big boned" as they say, therefore I was always on the chunky side. Never really had a problem getting by in the world due to my personality overriding any self esteem issues I had because I was on the heavy side...I just laughed it off. But as the years went by, life went by, and I found myself wishing for something else. That's when I started to research gastric bypass...and 2 years after I started down that road, it led me to Dr. Allam. Now 4 years later, my life is all about self esteem. I have it now...and it is something I will never give up. I ran into an old classmate of mine over the weekend at a yard sale...we have our 35th high school reunion coming up this summer, and she told me (after she realized who I was!) that I look better now than I did in high school. Talk about an ego boost! During the course of our conversation, she kept looking at me and saying how fabulous I looked...and of course I didn't tell her to stop! It's little things like that that makes me thankful every day for my doing what I did...and Dr. Allam doing what HE did for me! As I've stated before....Dr. Allam gave me my life back...ans so much more. I started on this journey 6 years ago, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Life is good... and we all deserve to live it to the fullest...and believe me, I am. :D

[sarrah345]

Hi all,

Well, of course I felt a super surge of self esteem when I lost 150 lbs in 8 months! I was happy and smiling all the time and taking pictures of myself with friends and family and anyone who would be in a picture with me.

However, I prided myself on being "perfect" and following all the "rules" to the letter and not messing up in any way.

But when I first messed up on Halloween and I ate some candy, I started to instantly fall apart and immediately felt like a failure.

Since then I've regained 15 pounds and I feel like a failure. I wish I could feel great about the 135 pounds that are still gone off my body, but I can't. All I can focus on is what I'm doing/have done wrong and feeling horrible about myself. Being depressed and isolating myself and withdrawing from friends, this group, even going to see Dr. Allam in the office because I feel so much shame. I'm not the perfect gastric bypass patient that I thought I once was. My self esteem is in the gutter and boy, do I need you guys more than ever!

I haven't been to a support group meeting since last August, I think. I really need your support though, and I have to tell you that it is so hard to change your brain when your body loses so much weight so fast. My brain has had a hard time catching up and I'm feeling almost as bad mentally, as I did before surgery.

I am seeing someone for counseling every week and a psychiatrist to try to help me.

I miss you all, and I hope no one deletes this post from this thread, because it is important that people know that a lot can change once the "honeymoon" period is close to ending......or even sooner in my case.

I saw Dr. Allam yesterday, and he was wonderful! He told me he was my friend, not just my doctor, and it really touched my heart! He told me to post on here and blog (which I don't know how to do). He told me it would be helpful to have myself accountable to you all, and to let you all know how I'm doing on a week to week basis. I think it's a good idea even though it's scary for me.

I'm taking one day at a time, like I always have, but I'm trying not to beat myself up on a daily basis. It's hard, but I'm trying.

Hugs and love,
Cathy
Lap RNY 2/22/07
317/185/140
sarrah345@aol.com

[Regina]

Cathy thanks for posting that. I already sent you a private message but I just wanted to let you know here and everyone else that you are not alone.

Like I have said at our group I have gained weight as well but I think I might have gained even more if I didn't come here 100 times a day or attend support group meetings. It has keeps me on track even when I fall off.

You should never feel embarrassed or ashamed of coming to the meetings we are ALL there for each other.

Think back to the very first time you attended a group meeting did anyone make you feel like you weren't welcome. I don't believe so. I bet everyone made you feel good that you have taken the first step on your journey. We always applauded the new people that walk through the door. We always listen to what each one of us has to say and we give our best advice to one another. Therefore, you should never worry about being ashamed to attend our meetings. They are OUR MEETINGS and this is one of the reasons why we have them.

I do hope that you will be able to start to come back to our group meetings. We have one coming up on June 17.

Hold your head up high girl you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Hope to hear from you again soon and see you at the meeting.:)

[QUEEBELL]

I can totally relate to your brain not catching up with your weight loss. I feel fat everyday eventhough I am still in that "honeymoon" phase. I've lost a little over 100 pounds and I'm 6 months out. My weight loss has slowed down nowI too have considered myself the "perfect bypass patient," but I'm starting to realize that the more you build yourself up the farther you have to fall. There is no such thing as perfect. You still have the tool in place. You just have to get back on the bandwagon and we will all be here to help you as I hope you will be there for me if I need it in the future. Thank you for posting. So many things on this site are from banders. I'm happy to have another bypass patient to relate to. Best of luck on your jouney to come.

Isabel

[Jamie]

Hi Cathy,

Please don't ever feel ashamed of yourself. Look at your accomplishments and even though you put a little back on, you have already taken the first step by asking for help. We have grown into a group of caring and passionate indivuals that are there for one main cause and that cause is to help and guide anybody that asks for it.

Regina has really worked her butt off to get this website up and running again and there are a few of us that take pride in helping her, Dr.Allam, and Pat to make this a friendly environment for everyone to come to and look for advice or just a friendly "HI". The message board has already helped many confused newbies and we are there to help anybody that strays a bit from thier goals. Please try to come back to the fold and stop by on June 17 to rekindle some old friendships and to start some new ones.

We have a united group of bypass and lapbanders that will stop at nothing to help and support you through your tough times, and as Isabel said, we hope that you are there for us if we should ever stray.

Please keep us posted on your feelings and progress because not only is your post hopefully letting us try to help you, it could also be helping someone else out there that may be going through the same motions.

Thank you for having the nerve to ask for help. That is a big step, and hopefully like Dr. Allam said, we all can be your friends too!!!!

Welcome back,

Jamie

[sarrah345]

:DHi Isabel, Regina and Jamie,

I can't tell you how amazing your posts to me are! I am printing them out so I can read them when I'm feeling bad.

Jamie, you are a real sweetheart and I can swear I remember you at your first support group meeting last August. I think I sat next to you.

Congratulations, Isabel on your 100 lb loss! It is an amazing feeling to say that you've lost 100 pounds. This is a bumpy journey, but it is worth it. I have to keep saying that to myself right now. You would think that 15 pounds that I'm griping about is the end of the world.

And of course, Regina. You have been there for me from the very first day and from the day I got home from surgery you were there for me, helping me to not freak out about getting in enough water and protein. You are amazing, and even though you've gained some weight too......look how long you've kept most of it off! 5 years!

Thank you all and I promise I will jump back into the waters here because I know you all are holding life rings ready to toss to me, if I need one.

I will be there at the June 17th meeting. I promise!

Much love and hugs,
Cathy

[Sissy]

Hi Cathy, I saw you at Dr. Allam's this week. I was going to tell you how great you looked but I didn't want to intrude on your conversation with Carrie & Pauline. You are a New person and that can't be changed. I too was a perfect bypass patient until Christmas. I started to experiment with eating small amounts of fudge I was making for gifts. Strangely enough I lost more weight that month & that did a wammy on my brain!! It made me think that a little sugar was ok. Well, now I have trouble with a little sugar - it makes me want more and more!!! And it is upsetting not to be the Perfect patient anymore!!! I took such pride in doing everything right - now I feel shame when I screw up!! I know I'm only human and I keep trying to do better. Hopefully writing to you all will help me stay on track. I'm no longer perfect - doing the best I can each day. If I screw up I can forgive myself & learn from my mistake. You can too!! Just remember all the good you have done & think positively. Each day is a new chance to do good - you can make it & we will help you!!! Darla

[sarrah345]

You should have said something to me, Darla!

It makes me breathe a sigh of relief to know that we're going through the same thing about being "the perfect bypass patient." It does do a whammy to your brain, because once you "mess up" by eating something "wrong" you feel like a failure!

But I have to keep telling myself, "Cathy...you still have 135 pounds off your body as you type this!!!!!!! There are people that would kill to say that."

Please write me, Darla, I need all the support I can get!

Hugs and love and thanks for your encouragement,
Cathy
Lap RNY 2/22/07
317/183/167fingscrssed
PS. Am I no longer obese too???? What weight do I have to be???

[Sissy]

Cathy - check the BMI calculator on the home page of the site. I tells you what the catagories are according to your BMI. Sorry - I've been off line since the big storm. You can pm me anytime you want to talk. I try to check the site every am. Have a great day - Darla

[sarrah345]

Hi Darla,

I'm 31.75 BMI as I type this, which is still in the obese category, but just on the edge of the overweight category.

I hate charts, scales and all of that, because it makes you (for people like me with an obsessive personality) dwell on "the number...." whether it be the scale or the clothing sizes or the BMI. I've had "the number" make and break my day, and so I haven't gotten on the scale for about three or four days now.

For me that's a good thing, because you know what? I'm healthier and doing pretty well! I'm not going to be perfect and it's hard when you are the type of person who expects perfection in themselves, like me.

You are doing so FANTASTIC, Darla, and I'm really proud of you! I was so happy to read your signature line.....when you were first in OneDerLand, and, I am no longer OBESE! So positive! I look up to you!

Thanks for being here!!!!

Hugs,
Cathy
Lap RNY 2/22/07
317/185/167fingscrssed