My daughter has an eating dissorder

[QUEEBELL]

I am putting this out there to anyone who may be able to help me help my 14 year old daughter. I have recently come to learn that my 14 year old daughter is binge eating in the middle of the night. She does not see this as a problem since she isn't heavy yet. I did the same at her age and wasn't heavy either, but at 33 I was tipping the scales at 286 pounds. I had gastric bypass as a result of my health problems brought on by obesity. Now I face dealing with a daughter that is pulling away from me because everytime I talk about healthy eating and portion sizes she gets furious and storms out. I am taking her to a counselor who is trying to treat her for obsesive compulsive disorder, but I still think she needs to go to OA to treat her food addiction. She refuses to go and will not admitt she has a problem. How can I help her so she does not end up suffering with obesity later in life? Oh and to add insult to injury, my youngest daughter is naturally thin and very popular. I don't compare the two, but my youngest does. If anyone has any suggestions I could sure use the help. I'm at my witts end and we are always fighting. Thank you.

[Jamie]

Hi Isabel,

One way you might be able to help, which you may already have done for you, is to make sure that there are a number of healthy snacks that she might like. ( raw veggies, health bars, or anything that can fill her need to binge). Make sure that the things you choose are fairly low in calories!!! Try to ask her to plan ahead and see what she might want to have on hand that could make both of you happy. I know it is hard to reason sometimes with kids, so keep trying to come with alternative snacks.

I know you have brought her to some meetings and she has seen first hand what she might be in store for if she keeps going in this direction. Everyone there has had an eating disorder of one kind or another, and has resorted to surgery to help them. Maybe she can head this thing off at the pass before she gets that far.

I hope this has helped in some way, but just keep plugging away at her, and the best of luck in your quest.

Please keep us posted,

Jamie

[Regina]

Hi Isabel Sorry to hear about this problem you are having with your daughter. We can all relate to your problem of over eating. The thing is that we all must remember that we walked in those same shoes. Think back to when we were her age. I know I can remember my parents trying every which way to help me lose the weight. The problem was if we are not ready to do so it just is not going to happen.

Jamie gave you some good advice. Make sure that there are healthy things for her to snack on. Also once in a while it wouldn’t hurt to treat her to a special treat that might not be to healthy. I think that might show her the right way to eat and when doing so that she can have something a little more fatting once in a while. I think if you try to keep everything that is high in calories and fat from her you will find that she might sneak off to eat those things.

I know that my parents took me to all kinds of doctors and counseling and I hated it. I hated that they did that to me. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t think I had a problem and most of us never do until we get older. By then we have put the weight on. You have to be her mom and be there for her like I am sure you are. It is not an easy thing to see our children following in our foot steps. It hurts like hell. Some of you know I have a daughter that is over weight to and I try to help her but until they are ready t o lose the weight all we can do is be there for them and advise them when they ask us for help. Make sure you don’t make the mistake that my parents did and that we all might tend to do is say things like What is wrong with you? Don’t you see what I went through. Why would you want to eat the junk. Do you want to be fat. That is why you don’t have any friends. Get off you butt and get out side and exercise. I can remember not only my parents saying some of those things I can remember kids my peers saying that to me. So try your best to just listen to her guide her but don’t push her into things that she is not ready for or it can back fire on you. Start by changing the snack food for her. Don’t get rid of everything but try to introduce things to her slowly so she won’t reject it or you. Make sure you also do something that we do for ourselves also and that is Portion size. Don’t use such a big plate anymore use smaller ones like we use now. It will help with the calorie part of it.

Good luck and keep us posted.B_WINK2.gi

[QUEEBELL]

Thank you for your suggestions. It's just hard to "Let go and Let God" so to speak when I have been through the mill myself. I also feel at least partially responsible for having had her witness the purchase of food for my own binge eating practices. She will continue her counseling since she does not mind that. I will make every effort to stop talking about her food issues. You are all correct. My parents constant proding only made it worse for me. I learned how to cook when my parents tried to control what I ate. I can remember actually baking chocolate cakes from scratch when my mom was at work when I was only 14 and eating the whole thing by myself. This is what makes everything so painful and difficult to allow her to come to her own conclusions in her own time. I'm not putting food in the house that she can potentially abuse, but as all of you know any food can hold potential for abuse if you are an addict. She'll open a can of peas and eat the whole thing. Now I know that they probobly won't put weight on her, but it's the compulsive behavior I am praying she will conquer before it's too late.

[patRD]

Hi Isabel, From the professional prospective all the responses have bee great. Everybody is right. There is actually is disorder that is called night time binge eating disorder. Try to Goggle it and see what you can find. There was a researcher in Pennsyvania who wrote a book on it. As suggested do not focus on the food because in reality it is not about the food but the beavior. I am gald that she is in counseling. Let the professionals do their job. Step by step.

Pat

[QUEEBELL]

Thank you for telling me about the night time eating disorder. I just though she was a binge eater. This is very different. I went on line and printed up a whole bunch of literature about this eating disorder. I even printed up a quiz that I found to depict my daughters eating habbits almost exactly. I also feel a little better because her psychiatrist didn't understand how I could not know she had been doing this for so long. I have felt guilty about not knowing, but how could I know she was eating at midnight and 1 AM and 3 AM when I was sleeping? One of the signs is not wanting to eat breakfast. She almost never eats breakfast. Her excuse is always the same that she didn't have time or she would get something at school. From this I can surmize that eventhough I thought she was getting better she may not actually be as this symptom persists. Now that I know what I'm looking for I feel I can better help her.